Friday, November 20, 2009

Things To Do in the Theater While Your Girl is Watching Twilight: New Moon

The idea is not to get booted from the movie, thus ensuring you get no sex from your date for the great sacrifice of watching with her. Hope this helps.

1. Bring a flask and every time someone has their shirt off on screen, whisper "neeeples" and take a drink.
2. When your date gasps, give her the Seinfeld "stop short" maneuver.
3. Start a dance party when Muse comes on. It will be quick so bring only your best moves.
4. Pass a note around that says "Who is hottier.. Edward or Jacob" with little boxes to check off for choices. Submit your findings to the ticket taker out front. Be sure to bring pencils for everyone.
5. Press in on your closed eyes and watch the light show.
6. Direct your attention to the speakers above you and when a sound comes out louder, shift your gaze quickly in that direction. This should look like you are watching really slow tennis.
7. Bring action figures of Han Solo and Slave Leia and act out the scenes. Chewbacca will be Jacob.
8. Bring scissors and construction paper and make paper vampires.9. Mentally practice kung fu
10. Make your leg shake and blame it on restless leg syndrome. This also doubles as exercise.
11. Draw a flip comic on each side of your hand. To make it work, you have to flip your hand over, repeatedly, real fast.
12. Give yourself a new name and imagine what your life would be like as that person.
13. Decoupage
14. Perfect your diving form.
15. Create new Chuck Norris statements. Example: If Chuck Norris were in Twilight, he would punch you in the face.

I may add more later if something hits me. Good luck, soldiers.


  1. Haha, nice. I need to send my buddy this.

  2. I <3 you. I pitty every boy that has to use these to save their brain cells.

  3. I will stay with number 5 and number 9. I really need to do something about it. I had to watch that and make sure she believed I enjoyed it or the Generic Viagra I had to take would look real bad.

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