Sunday, November 29, 2009

Storm Chasers Rip Through a Season Finale

I tend to hate season finales. All too often, they fail to live up to the hype. Smallville teased a Superman VS Doomsday fight for over a year, only to have it end with three punches and a distant explosion within 5 minutes. The last time I watched Chuck, the nerdy retail employee turned hapless spy turned super spy in 2.3 seconds as he was uploaded with kung fu skills powerful enough to allow him and the entire cast to jump the shark simultaneously. Reality shows tend to be far worse, with anti-climactic wrap ups that fizzle out to nothing and may as well fade to black with a lead character shrugging into the camera like bugs Bunny. I can't say I watch many of them, unless you count paranormal shows and Destination Truth...and a killer show called Storm Chasers!

I've had an odd fascination with tornadoes ever since I was a child. I've had many dreams about them, often with me being far too close but eerily calm beside them. When the movie Twister came out, I was first in line. Despite the cheesiness of the film and weird little love triangle plot to set the storms against, I've shamelessly watched it time and again. The Discovery Channel's Storm Chasers is the closest you'll ever come to watching people live that movie and this season was the most chaotic yet.

You've got the nearly psychotic "extreme" chaser Reed who bankrolls amazing amounts of money into high tech equipment, a giant red armored vehicle and even a mini plane that is flown alone the outside of a tornado to drop probes into it (just like Twister!!..well..almost.) Then theres IMAX film maker Sean Casey in the ultimate storm crashing vehicle, the TIV and their storm tracking vehicle Dog House. The rest of the crews seem to rotate in and out ranging from super scientists with an army of vehicles to normal guys only armed with a truck, a camera and a heavy foot on the gas pedal. What makes this show work is that the drama doesn't seem to be forced. These are quirky individuals who butt heads from time to time and we are allowed to see all of that in between some amazing visuals of developing tornadoes. You'll even accidentally learn something!

The season finale had everything you could ever want from this show and, by far, the most amazing tornado footage I've ever seen. I don't want to give too much away as some of you probably dvr'd the 2 hour event and the rest of you can easily catch a replay some day soon, but I will say that my jaw was dropped so completely that I'm still tasting carpet. You'll get super vehicles driving right into tornadoes, lesser cars running from the carnage, towns dangerously close to the action, all manor of landscape uprooted and the awesome electric guitar soundtrack backing it all up. HOW CAN YOU GET MORE AWESOME INTO ONE NIGHT??!! It's impossible. This is a tornado enthusiast's dream come true and shows us just how raw and incredible reality TV can actually be. Do not miss this one!

Justice League: Crisis On Two Earths Creeping

It seems like Wonder Woman took forever to drop and then Lantern right after..and then KAPOW two minutes later, Public Enemies. The direct to DVD/ Blu-ray DC animated movies have been kicking mighty ass with moments and art torn straight from the pages of the comics. Now we have to find something to fill the void in our dreary lives until February when Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths drops. I always did want to take up guitar again. Putting "learn Beth by KISS" on my list of things to do.

For those of you late to the show, here's the skinny..

In a parallel Earth ruled by the Crime Syndicate, the Justice League must fight their evil doppelgangers in a battle that would be dead even, except that their malicious counterparts are willing to do the one thing Batman and Superman never would: kill.

Blu-ray Features:
DC Showcase: The Spectre - The first animated short in the all-new DC Showcase series focuses on a detective story with an ethereal twist, featuring the otherworldly character originally introduced by DC Comics in 1940. The short is written by Steve Niles (30 Days of Night), and the voice cast includes Gary Cole (Entourage) and Alyssa Milano (Charmed).
"A First Look at next DC Universe Movie"
Green Lantern First Look
Superman/Batman Public Enemies First Look
Wonder Woman: The Amazon Princess
"The New World" - Extended Cut
DC’s superheroes have always reflected America; protecting what’s right and fighting for good. In the previous ages of DC Comics, these were characters you might see in a parade, waving a flag, and carrying a child on their shoulders. They were living in simpler times and they were “as American as apple pie.” But since then, America has changed. There are now real dangers in America, and DC wanted our new world to be reflected in the DC Universe. It was now very clear. There would be dangerous consequences from being a superhero.
Bruce Timm’s Top Picks
1 "A Better World" Part 1 – {previously on Justice League Unlimited S2 release}
2 "A Better World" Part 2 – {previously on Justice League Unlimited S2 release}
3 "Twilight" Part 1 – {previously on Justice League Unlimited S2 release}
4 "Twilight" Part 2 – {previously on Justice LeaguE Unlimited S2 release}

DC TV Pilot Episodes (Live -Action)
1 Wonder Woman – (previously on Wonder Woman S1 release)
2 Aquaman – (never before released)


Runtime: 75 mins

Of course if you are buying the DVD, it comes with a bit less.

Disc #1 - " A First Look at next DC Universe Movie"
Green Lantern First Look
Superman/Batman Public Enemies First Look
Wonder Woman: The Amazon Princess


Disc #2
DC Showcase: The Spectre
"The New World"
1 "A Better World" Part 1 – {previously on Justice League Unlimited S2 release}
2 "A Better World" Part 2 – {previously on Justice League Unlimited S2 release}

Scouty Scoops Runaways

I know next to nothing about this project except for the obvious..the young starlets of Hollywoodland are brought together to tell the story of The Runaways; AKA the band that introduced Joan Jett to the world. Who gets to play Joan Jett??? Kristen Stewart. Really? Listen, this isn't going to be an anti-twilight rant, but having seen Stewart in many films now, I just don't think she's ready to play a woman as powerful as Jett. Of course, if she blows it out of the water, I'll be the first to congratulate and say I was wrong, but right now I feel Stewart needs to do some growing as an actress. Rounding out the cast is our girl Scout Taylor-Compton as Lita Ford (again...really?!) and Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie. It really looks more like they packed the cast with an "up and coming A list", but you never know. Lightening in a bottle and all that. It could happen.

Click HERE and follow Scouty on Twitter for updates on this film and anything else going on in Scouty land.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Twilight Puppet Saga: New Moon

courtesy of!

Blackest Night: The Undead Battle.. So Far

Marvel Zombies was a heavily promoted event in our comic universe. While the moments within the pages were skillfully worked into the canon of Marvel continuity, it's primarily seen as light, spoofy fun. Now, DC take a turn. Get ready for the Blackest Night!

This event has been going on for some time now, so this article isn’t for those already knee-deep in new comics every week. This is for the rest of you who wouldn’t normally know that dead people across the DC universe are rising from the graves and ripping the hearts out of the ones they loved! Got your attention? We’ll take a look at the comics leading up to complete chaos for the Justice League and nearly everyone they know and identify which books are worth hunting down to complete the big picture and which can be left behind. Ultimately, you can always wait for DC to crank out their trade(s) for the event, allowing you to have it in front of you all at once ... but the waiting ... oh ... the waiting ...

In the Beginning:

May brings Free Comic Book Day. This year it brought Blackest Night with it. It’s an epic tale with Green Lantern and Flash discussing life and loss. If you aren’t well versed in the DC universe, this is an excellent starting point, profiling some major deaths of heroes before showing a character called The Black Hand kicking everything in motion. The book also lays out the different Lantern Corps. Yup, they aren’t just Green anymore!

Each color represents an emotion. The Green represents willpower. The Orange Lanterns (avarice) consist of one Gollum type alien named Larfleeze who creates avatars of other lanterns he has slain and sends them out to kill again, collecting the rings as he goes. The Red Lantern Corps (rage) hold the Guardians of the Green Lantern Corps responsible for the extinction of life at the hands of faulty androids they created. Now they are out for vengeance and spit napalm-like blood from their mouths as a primary weapon! Oh ... and they have a cat named Dex-Starr!! AWESOME. Red rage kitty.

Sinestro, ever the enemy of the Green Lantern Corps, leads the psychotic Yellow Lanterns (fear) against any who would oppose them. The Blue Lanterns (hope) were created by banished Guardians who embraced their emotions. They seem more monks than warriors. The Pink Lanterns (love) also embraced their emotions so completely that all must succumb to love, at any cost. Little is known about the Indigo Tribe (compassion) who arrived just as this crisis reared its decaying head, but they hold great power and seem to know the secrets needed to push back the living dead. Finally, we have the Black Lanterns whose power rose from the corpse of a powerful being called the Anti-Monitor. The mysterious dark power recruits The Black Hand and a Guardian named Scar, then sends out black rings which seek out fallen heroes and loved ones of heroes still living. When these beings elicit a strong enough emotion from their target, they tear the still beating heart from their chest. Shortly after, that person rises to join the Black Lantern ranks. Their ultimate goal is still unknown.

The Comics:

Green Lantern #43 (prologue comic): Most may buy this issue for the cover alone, featuring The Black Hand draped over the headstone of Bruce Wayne; black blood dripping from his lips and dead roses in hand. This issue outlines the life, death, and rebirth of The Black Hand. It’s not essential reading to follow the main storyline but excellent background and a killer read to boot.

Blackest Night #1: As is always the case, the comic bearing the title of the event is ALWAYS essential reading ... no bones about it. I’ll just say that out front for the casual comic fan whose interest is piqued. The Black Hand begins his dark works at a certain grave site in Gotham City. We get quick looks across the DC universe where some are celebrating life and some are mourning death. The Guardians are contemplating a course of action as they watch the various lantern corps in battle with each other when all hell breaks loose. Black rings are reanimating dead heroes by the truckload, and their first attack is so vicious and sudden there are instant casualties.

Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps #1-3: These are mainly origin stories for members of each corps. In getting to see how they got their start, we are also introduced to their team, or army, as it were. Great background reference so you know all the players going into the war, but not essential reading. In the third issue,we are given a sketch version of the Free Comic Book Day preview book with notes from the creators.

Blackest Night #2: When a Green Lantern falls from the sky in Gotham City, you know the shit has hit the fan! The Black Lanterns continue their assault over land and sea. Even the mystical realms are not left untouched. More heroes fall. This issue also contains “The Book of the Black: Chapter 1, Verse 1”, a sort of diary written by The Black Hand.

Green Lantern #45: While the Pink Lanterns wage war to convert the Yellow Lanterns to their side and team Green battles the Red Rage, the Black Lantern rings have found them all and prove even the rings themselves can be deadly. All who were slain in battle rise again. This is essential reading as it begins the full-on assault of the Black and, in turn, causes old enemies to band together against a common foe.

Green Lantern Corps #39: This is the start of the main assault against the Green Lantern Corps. It's non-essential to the main story, and the carnage (or lack of) doesn’t start until the last few pages. Some fun bits with Guy Gardner, the “dick” of team Green, and a sequence with Mongul (a hardcore Superman baddie) showing he’s the ultimate evil, but neither has context if you don’t already read the comics, so feel free to pass this one up.

Blackest Night Batman #1: Out of the gate let me just say, if you haven’t picked up on this yet, Bruce Wayne is dead. Dick Grayson (formerly Robin/ Nightwing) has taken on the mantle and is kicking ass in Bruce’s name. Teamed with Robin (who is now Damian, Bruce’s son ... yeah, a LOT has happened!), Batman comes to investigate the theft of Bruce’s skull and the desecration of his parents' graves. While nothing in this issue is essential to following the core story, for Batman fans, it is excellent. You’ve got soul searching between the new Batman and Robin, Deadman is thrown into the fight, and some top-notch Gotham evil is back from the grave.

Blackest Night Superman #1: The horror comes home to tranquil Smallville! Superman and Superboy are confronted by two characters: one who could break their spirit and another who could break their spines. Again, not essential at all to the core story, but the writing is solid and enjoyable, even for someone like me who isn’t very well read on the tales of Krypton’s favorite son.

Blackest Night Titans #1: That’s Teen Titans to us old schoolers or cartoon fans. Speaking of which, if you watched enough of the cartoon, you’ll find those storylines tie directly into the Titan’s involvement with the Black Lantern invasion. The cover alone will sell it for you, with Beast Boy making out with the rotting, reanimated corpse of Terra. This comic plays out more like a deliciously creepy little ghost story and, while still non-essential to following the core story, is a great time and delivers on a little bloodshed as well!

Blackest Night #3: Back into the core book. This one is worth it just to watch undead Elongated Man mess with the heads of nearly everyone around him. It’s a full-on assault on the Justice League’s home base, which just so happens to have a secure crypt vault below it. The world is going to hell and the heroes are just starting to get their bearing, which isn’t saying much as they have no idea how to stop this horrific evil. This issue also contains the Book of the Black, Chapter 1, Verse 2.

Green Lantern #46: Yes, you need to get this book as the forces of light begin to join to take on the Black ... and that’s literally. Sinestro takes a break from the universe shattering event to go toe-to-toe with Mongul in a fight that will have your inner geek grinning from ear to ear. BRUTAL STUFF. Nothing like watching two superpowered baddies pummel each other senseless.

Green Lantern Corps #40: While not an essential book, the battle gets bloody and even darkly humorous in spots as the Black Lanterns attack the Corps mentally and physically. Some awesome horror visuals in this issue that starts out emo and then goes completely insane. You may not be familiar with the Corps, but you’ll love watching them die!

Blackest Night Batman #2: We begin to realize that with every victim gutted, power levels of an unseen force are rising. Gotham’s baddest undead are taking civilian lives by the dozen, and Jim and Barbara Gordon are caught in the middle of it. Luckily, Batman and company are arming up for battle, and the new man in black doesn’t play nice. This one is nonstop action, and while not essential to the bigger picture, how can you pass it up?

Blackest Night Superman #2: Everything in Smallville was sunshine and lollipops ... until Earth 2 Superman’s corpse got up and started beating the crap out of Superman and Superboy! Hell, even Krypto, the super dog, got his ass handed to him. Meanwhile down on the street, Psycho Pirate has risen and is messing with the minds of the populace who are compelled to beat each other down or rip their own faces off. Even Ma Kent is running from Lois Lane’s corpse. Wait ... WHEN THE HELL DID LOIS LANE DIE??!! I’m way behind. Another non-essential, but almost worth it just to see Ma Kent get pissed off.

Blackest Night Titans #2: The Black Lanterns prove they are the ultimate evil as they continue to torment the Titans while ripping into them with clawed fingers and monstrous teeth. The creepy little ghost story is on its way to being a full-blown bloodbath! Another non-essential, but if you dig the characters, you’ll love watching them twist in the wind and attempt to face an unstoppable evil.

Blackest Night #4: This is a MUST BUY!! High points of super heroism stand in contrast to completely sick panels of all-out gore as heroes are forced to crack pseudo-zombie skulls and hold nothing back. Chaos reins supreme when just about every dead villain and hero has risen and sets out for human heart-kebob …and just when it seems like it couldn’t get any more horrific, the mastermind behind this cataclysm steps forward to swallow the earth. This issue also contains The Book of the Black, Chapter 1, Verse 3.

Green Lantern #47: Open the book, turn to Page 2, and witness the freakiest undead aliens you’ll ever see ... in your life. The Lanterns are beginning to join forces and seem to have found a way to kill a Black Lantern completely, but it could be too little, too late. Deep moments between Green Lantern and Sinestro please the geek in me while more heart ripping causes the horror psycho in me to stand up and clap.

Green Lantern Corps #41: While this is the least essential title of the bunch, this one bears a cover featuring a baby Black Lantern holding a human heart. Priceless. Inside, Black Lanterns are blown to holy hell, turned to pulp, and ripped apart as the Corps fight for their lives. You don’t need it ... but you want it!

Blackest Night Batman #3: The story moves away from the wholesale carnage of the last issue and on to a more tragic note as team Bat face their undead parents. Luckily, The Demon has their back! Again, non-essential, but not to be missed.

Blackest Night Superman #3: Above Krypton (yes, Krypton is back ... and again ... I’ve missed a lot!), Supergirl is blasting her father in the face with heat vision. Back in Smallville, Lois Lane is running through a field of wheat ... on fire. Norman Rockwell, it ain't. Another non-essential, but you’ll be passing up a battle that will make you laugh out loud one minute and drop your jaw the next.

Blackest Night Titans #3: Undead baby. Dinosaur VS. Zombie Super Hero. If these two things don’t get your attention, nothing in this event will. This episode is as vicious as it is heartbreaking and ends with a ray of hope for the good guys. Non essential but so good, you really need to see it for yourself!

Batman, Superman, and Titans were all 3-issue runs. and as their stories wrap up, those characters will join the fight in the main book. The stage is set. The Black Lantern battery is at 100%. A new evil has risen. What will happen next is anyone’s guess!

Blackest Night is a horror/comic fan’s dream come true with moments that would make David Cronenberg grin and Rob Zombie fall out of his chair. Get the issues now or wait for the trades, but don’t miss the carnage!

For more, visit DC Comics Blackest Night section online.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Mickey Rules You

How come only the Japanese can make awesome Mikey items? I'm no huge Disney fan, but if all the characters were done like these, I'd be tempted ...often.

The Dead of the DC Universe RISE

It's called Blackest Night and it's a horror/comic fan's dream come true. Get caught up on the action and find out which issues have the most carnage for your cash. Click the pic and dive in!

A Small Request

The first person to send me one of these gets a Nomad funpack made up of random awesome things around my apartment. Send three or more and I'll come to your house and give you a beautiful child.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Giving Thanks

Times are crappy and often, we fail to see the positive in our lives. Someone wiser than I once told me that if you can find something to be thankful of in any situation, there is nothing you can't survive. From then on, I tried to put things in perspective whenever anything bad happened to me.

Today, I wanted to give thanks for some great things that have happened in my life. Some of it will sound like bragging, but fuck it. Writing them down so I see them in front of me puts it all in perspective and helps me to fight another day. Take it as you will.

Moments I'm thankful for (in no particular order)

I got to show Simon Pegg his Shaun of the Dead action figure for the first time
I dreamed of my nephew before he was born
I lived with a beautiful woman for 3 months
I got to tell Deepak Chopra how much he changed my mother's life
I woke up one morning with the sun on my face, a light breeze coming through the window and the rock station I fell asleep to turned into something out of Wild at Heart.
Every Friday the 13th with my mom, but especially Trilogy of Terror
Snow forts in Brooklyn
My first GI Joe Army
John Dewey High School
Listening to stories from the Monster Squad crew from different perspectives
The month spent making The Devil's Tomb
The short time I lived alone with my father
The Ren Faire in NY with Eric
My first set visit (Repo)
My first red carpet (Devil's Rejects)
Whenever I meet Stan Lee, who makes me laugh every time
Galaxy of Terror stories from Sid Haig
BBQs at Ted and Bev's
Laughing til it hurts with my mom and Lori
Movie nights with Pete
My first warped tour
Most years at San Diego Comic Con
Christmases at the boat club
Brighton beach on any clear night
5 dollar Fugazi concerts
Asking Zack Snyder if anyone ever really got it on in the Owl Ship

Full Frontal: Ninja Assassin

NINJAAAAAAAA!! The word alone brought a giant smile to my face as a child. Back in my day (aka: I’m old), you could go down to the local magazine shop and buy throwing stars, daggers and any number of ninja-tastic weapons. It was THAT big. Now, Warner Brothers is hoping we are so bored of remakes and romantic comedies that we’ll open our hearts to the unbridled carnage offered by a modern martial arts kill-fest. They were right.

The plot of Ninja Assassin couldn’t even fill out the side of a milk carton. Police researcher Mika has stumbled onto a connection between ancient tales of dark ninja deeds and a recent pay off to a clandestine organization preceding bloody mayhem. In the time it would take you to throw down a smoke bomb, the ninja are after her. Luckily, one of their brethren had cut ties with his clan and comes to her aid. Now it’s Mika and the renegade ninja Raizo against a never-ending tsunami of masked super assassins! If that alone hasn’t done it for you, you have absolutely no need to see this movie. Those of us sold merely on the words “ninja” and “carnage” are already lined up.

Martial Arts are the name of the game and Ninja Assassin plays it better than most. I haven’t seen jaw dropping moves like this in a very…very long time! Sure, a lot of it may be CGI and wire work, but doing all your own stunts doesn’t necessarily blow me out of my seat at all times. Remember “The Protector”? This was a love story between a man and his elephant and no amount of stunt work could save it. Assassin excels in believability amid the impossible. Throwing stars fly like bullets cutting through man, automobile and sometimes, it seems, even walls. The ninja sword hisses as it sails, uninterrupted, through flesh and bone, leaving a sticky wet pile in its wake. Standing defiantly is Raizo and his chained blade weapon which he wields like a fisher of men; lashing out and then pulling back a human skull. The ninja step out of flat shadow like vengeful spirits. They move in a streak and scale walls like hideous black spiders. There is no such thing as too much screen time for these warriors, and when they go toe to toe with Raizo, you are in for something special! Even John Rambo would hand over his headband to this guy. Just when you thought you were at the height of ninja glee, the movie tosses in one more element. A well armed special ops police force!! 200 swords vs 500,000 bullets. FIGHT!!!

While it’s clear why people will come see this film, it is still worth mentioning that the acting performances are very impressive. Ninja Assassin COULD have been an oddly dubbed, overly dramatic, badly acted Hong Kong special, but it sheds all pre-conceived notions and goes for broke. Mika ACTUALLY appears to be scared out of her mind for most of the film. Rain might single handedly spark resurgence in kung fu films! It’s funny, because he embodies everything I usually trash in films. He’s a pop star pretty boy, doesn’t make many facial expressions and spends 90% of the film with his shirt off!! You know what…I didn’t care. He was the right man for the job and pulled it off fantastically. Weather that is testament to the stunt men or fight choreographers or cinematographer...hell...give them all gold stars. It all comes together on screen in the most mind blowing fight scenes I’ve seen in years. For the old-schoolers like me, you’ve even got Sho Kosugi as the leader of the ninja clan. PERFECTION!

Only two elements keep Ninja Assasin from attaining the EPIC status. One is a thorn in the side of most horror fiends reading this. CGI BLOOD! CGI blood is still at least a couple of years away from looking flawless, and with so much of it splashing across the set of this film, it is painfully obvious. The second flaw lies in the ninja themselves. The film kicks off with the clan shrouded in mystery, fading in and out of shadow, cutting men to pieces. Next, we have to sit through the origin story of Raizo and his clan, which is fine when you get to watch 9 year olds beating each other bloody. It’s like baby fight club. When we get back to the ninja action, the warriors are more man than wraith and even do this sort of Jason Voorhees whisper as they approach a target. NOT creepy at all. It’s a problem as old as movies are as an art form. Keep your monster in the shadows as much as possible and you can raise the tension significantly. Put them in the light and give them a cheesy gimmick and you are treading on dangerous ground. Luckily, the film is still packed with bad ass, including a fight scene which takes place IN heavy traffic and all our WAR in the film’s final scenes. You can either look at this as a live action film with anime pacing and cartoony blood…or the most realistic anime anyone has ever made. If this were an animated film, with all that action jammed into it, you’d be clapping every 15 minutes.

Ninja Assassin is the kick in the ass we’ve needed in the theater, and a shockingly welcome bloodbath amid this holiday season! If you were a fan of martial arts films growing up, get out to your local theater as soon as possible and feel like a kid again. The men in black are back…and I can’t wait for more!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Just when I thought I couldn't get any geekier, a little site called ThinkGeek is dangled in front of me with all manor of items I don't need but bought my Personal Soundtrack T Shirt. While it is impressive enough to be able to enter a room with the Flash Gordon theme song by Queen blaring from your chest, there was one item on this site I know I had to have, regardless of price. Hell, I can eat next week...we are talking about a TAUNTAUN SLEEPING BAG HERE!!!

Yes, I hear you squealing with glee.

Well today, a giant box arrives and with a tear streaming down my face, I gently sliced it open and revealed the beauty within. My original worry was that this item was going to be made little kid sized, but I'd resigned myself to walking around with it draped over one shoulder like the Hoth version of Kraven the Hunter (from Spider-Man..look it up non-dorks). THIS THING IS HUUUUUGE!! The bag section alone comes in at just under 6 feet; a giant, super soft plush head grinning at me at the top, ready to sing me to sleep in odd, chicken/ lama like tones. This has got to be the ultimate Star Wars gift for this holiday season. Seriously. Try and top this, Hasbro. My Turbo Tank is staring at it from across the room with nothing but envy in it's eyes. I still love you, Turbo Tank..but you can't come to bed with me. The TaunTaun sleeping bag can. Wow that sounds way worse now that I wrote it out.

Things to notice:
Super soft body
Plush head, arm, leg and tail
Little plush lightsaber on the zipper to simulate slicing your happy friend open
Intestine inner lining
No bad smell (it was a myth!!!)
Warm and cozy inside.

I feel I now need to have a Star Wars themed slumber party. No Wookies allowed.

NECA Reveals the NEW Freddy and Clashes with Perseus

Bigger pics and info over at Just click the pic!

Movie Ushers to Twilight Fans: "GO HOME!"

It's no mystery to any movie loving soul that Twilight: New Moon opened this weekend, raking in over 140 million in it's first days of moaning infancy. The crowds seem to mirror video footage of ladies watching The Beatles and Michael Jackson (in other countries), though maybe without much of the frantic behavior behind it. They sure do have the screaming down! An usher from an undisclosed location in New Jersey dropped me an email to weigh in on the psychotica she observed on opening night. Keep in mind the writer is young(ish) and wrote this shortly after her ordeal...

Why Twilight, (Or as I constantly refer to it as-Twatlight), is such a phenomenon, is beyond me. It's emo, bland, cheesy, whiny, and just damn idiotic. Yet, all these dumbass tweenyboppers flock to it like it is a frigging life or death situation. They clearly believe vampires are real and that they do indeed sparkle, which leads me to believe that they have not one ounce of a brain in their heads.

Working Twilight opening night last year was ridiculous. Hundreds of people lined up hours ahead of time, all decked out in their Twatlight shirts. They screamed at everything, all while on the frigging line!! We had to expand our holding areas just to make room for these dumb asses. When us ushers had to open the ropes for them, they ran like Godzilla was about to eat them, (If only he had). I would walk into the theater just to watch their stupid reactions and, boy, was it ear piercing. Whenever Bella or Edward (what immensely cheesy names) appeared on the screen with their useless expressions, these girls screamed their lungs out. It was just plain annoying and unnecessary.

Now working opening night for New Moon this year, I knew it'd be worse, and it was. This time, the shows all sold out and later shows began to in advance. They did their typical routine of getting here hours ahead of time. We put them in holding areas that can only contain so many of those wasteful lifeforms. They lined up throughout our lobby because these lines were long. Everywhere I looked, all I saw were these idiot girls (and adults too) standing there in their waste of money Twatlight shirts. "Team Jacob", "Team Edward". I love how they root for this Jacob dude, knowing he does not get the anorexic bitch!! You read the crap filled books now didn't you?? We all know you spent your parents cash on these tree killer books.

Each time us ushers went past, they gave us the look of, "Let us the hell in!". Myself, being an avid Twatlight hater, wore my "Twilight Sucks" pin with pride. They did not like this. I like good franchises, fools. "Have you ever seen Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?" I wanted to ask them but let's face it, they probably can't even spell Mississippi or count backwards due to their lack of intelligence. Hell, how smart can one be if they truly believe vampires shimmer in the sun? They frigging burn you suckers!

Whenever we opened the ropes, it was the usual run for your lives to the theater fiasco. But this year, they screamed louder and shoved each other harder. In the theater, not one seat was empty compared to last year. 500 seat theaters were sold out. It is utterly ridiculous for this piece of crap. Because this was wayyyyyyy bigger than last year's opening night, we had to run around constantly to clean up their HORRENDOUS messes, so I barely had time to go into the theaters to watch these idiots, but I caught them at the film's brainless ending. When that happens, these twats burst out loud with gasps and screams as if, like I said before, they didn't know this was coming!! They act like it was truly a shock!! Come on now! They cheer on end for endless minutes while the credits roll with yet another bland "song".

Then I watch them finally get off of their Abercrombie asses to leave, but do they leave in peace? Hell no. They open their yaps and all I hear were nails on a chalkboard about the damn movie. "OMG I LOVED THAT PART!!" "POOR JACOB!! THAT ENDING!! GASP!!" I even saw girls crying. CRYING!!!! The pretty boy werewolf lost the ugly ho to an expressionless "vampire", boo hoo. Give me your address so I can send you flowers. Jesus. Don't even get me started on the messes we cleaned that took FOREVER. They threw their paper towels into mountain piles in the bathrooms.

Overall, it was hell all night. It was the worst night I have ever worked at the theater and I have been there almost 2 years. The night felt never ending. I came home with my joints achy as hell. It's sad how society flocks to this shit. This series was written by a sad housewife who was bored and probably wanted to write out a fantasy her own tween self dreamed of. That is a lame life for any kid. I've been forced to watch both movies days ago and it was needles in my eyes and ears. I got halfway through number one and fell asleep on and off throughout number 2. The dialogue, story, characters, "action", "acting", look, "actors", just everything are downright terrible, wasteful, useless and ludicrous. Every Twatlighter out there needs to watch The Lost Boys. Now those, my little dumb asses, are real vampires.

So, yea, she felt strongly about this. In the interest of fairness, I thought I might grab one of the die hard fans off of the IMDB forums for the film to answer some of the questions posed in the above rant like "How can you watch this??" and "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!??!!" Well, not really, but she graciously answered some questions on why she liked the film. Her name is "Erica Says Go Dance" ...and she loves the Twilight...

I consider myself a pretty big fan of this franchise and there are multiple reasons for it. I am a huge fan of fantasy and have been for all my life. This series embodies all of my favorite aspects of fantasy, namely the supernatural elements, and the romance factor. I don't scream for the actors, I scream because I love this series soo much and am excited that a visual personification of it is being unveiled. I love the stimulus of the crowd and it just gets you hyped up.

Even though I knew what was going to happen, I found myself delving headfirst into the movie and really concentrating on the plot line. Having prior knowledge actually helped me stay focused on the movie since I was excited to see how my favorite scenes were gonna play out on the screen. I didn't compare the book scenes against the movie scenes until after the movie was over though. When you have read passages from a book for years, its totally satisfying to have a visual companion to it.

Wow. That was..more coherent than I expected. Honestly, when you dislike a movie this much, it's easy to get caught up in bashing the fans that loved it completely, and I suppose I'm guilty of that to a degree. Regardless of what anyone thinks, an over 200 million world wide take (and growing) is astounding and slams one simple fact upside your head.



Sunday, November 22, 2009

Enlighten! One Night of Light Exhibiton

Enlighten! One Night of Light is a group exhibition of table lamps featuring printed shades with artwork by an eclectic roster of over 85 fine artists and illustrators working together to support arts education for children in Los Angeles. Each artist’s lamp design will be sold in a limited edition available for one night only. In addition, some artists will also create one original, handmade shade for a lamp that will be featured in a silent auction.

A portion of all sales will benefit Inner-City Arts, an organization offering opportunities for at-risk children from Los Angeles schools to build artistic self-expression, enhancing their ability to perform both creatively and academically in challenging environments.

The exhibition is curated by Al Quattrocchi and Jeff Smith, co-owners and creative directors of the LA-based design studio Tornado Design. “A fun and unique way to bring our artistic community together, this event will raise some money to help support Inner-City Arts, an organization planting the seeds of creativity in young artists of the future.” says Quattrocchi. “Whether you are a participating artist or a patron of the arts, supporting events like Enlighten! can make a difference in these children’s lives!”

The lamps are produced by Lamp-In-A-Box in Culver City, California. Owner Daniel Cytrynowicz believes, “A table or desk lamp should reflect our personal taste, desires and lifestyle, similarly to all the other accessories that surround us.”

Participating artists include Lou Beach, Alex Beard, Sandow Birk, Calef Brown, Dave Burke, Jimmy C, Sarajo Frieden, Tom Fritz, Makoto Kobayashi, Lili Lakich, Joel Nakamura, Saelee Oh, Martha Rich, Paul Rogers, Souther Salazar, Bwana Spoons, James Victore, Keith Weesner and dozens more.

Music provided by The Icy Hot Trio
Catering by Louise’s Trattoria
Venue provided by Walter N. Marks, Inc.

To view all lamp designs:

New Boba Fett Day!!

You would think that, being a fan favorite, Boba Fett would get a new figure every other day. While Vader and Maul seem to get that treatment, Boba retains an elite status with an update only when it seems logical to do so. Actually, it seems we get a new Fett every time Star Wars figures take a giant step forward. Now that most figures have new joints, better sculpting details and some killer accessories, it was only a matter of time before the Fett got the treatment. This one is an absolute must buy for fans of the character, or even those who just casually collect Star Wars figures. If he were a car, we'd describe him as "fully loaded"! Fett comes with a hand gun and working holster to drop it into, a rifle, removable jet pack and removable helmet to reveal the face that launched a thousand clones. Nice touch! Every inch of this guy is detailed to the nines. Look for him in stores NOW.