Monday, April 19, 2010

Top 5 Non Super Powered Super Heroes Who Get Pummeled

Kick-Ass is living up to its name at theaters, so we thought we'd take a look at our favorite self appointed super heroes and reminisce about the incredible beatings they took to keep the world safe for the average man and woman to eat double cheese burgers, smoke cigarettes and drink themselves to death the old fashioned know..instead of bullets to the head by insane super baddies. It could happen at ANY TIME!!

Special: Michael Rapaport is Les…lover of comics..well rounded geek..recipient of experimental medication that gives him SUPER POWERS!! The twist? He doesn’t really have super powers..the meds are just making him insane. Special is extremely well executed with a cast of actors who work their magic to make every second believable. Every time we think this film will step over a line or go down a road paved specifically to tug on our heart strings, it makes a hard left. Probably the best acting Rapaport has ever done. As for beatings, Les takes lumps like you wouldn’t believe! Prepare to flinch often.

Hero At Large: John Ritter is Steve Nichols, a starving actor who foils a robbery while dressed as the fictional Captain Avenger, making him an unexpected, overnight sensation (without the aid of Youtube!) It’s your typical Hollywood claptrap with Ritter caught in a moral dilemma when he’s offered the fame he’s always wanted at the cost of his honor. Of course, we are talking about John Ritter in the 80’s, so there’s plenty of bumbling and with it, bruises..cuts..scrapes..2nd degree burns...

Mystery Men: In a world with REAL super powered people, some guys have to be at the bottom of the food chain. Ben Stiller is Furious (literally) with the power to get really..really..angry and increase his chances of hurting himself 10 fold. Even the guy who is exceptional at throwing forks and dude with a shovel have cooler “super powers”. Sad sad sad.

Condorman: The Original awkward super hero. of them. Disney brings us the story of cartoonist Woody Wilkins who agrees to deliver a package for a friend in the CIA and stumbles into the wide world of spies. SHOCKING!! Now knee deep in the CIA’s business, Wilkins leverages his mandatory inclusion to have the government make his comic character’s gadgets a reality..essentially making him the real Condorman. Ta daa! Pretty ingenious for a Disney movie! As such, Wilkins doesn’t really take a lot of lumps, but he definitely qualifies as a super dork.

Blank Man: Truly, the saddest of all super hero wana-bes is Blankman, the creation of Damon Wayans who stars as the title character as well. Darryl Walker is so incredibly dorky he might be seen as mentally handicapped..but even the handicapped could pull it together more often than this guy. Regardless, Darryl is also a brilliant inventor who makes a bullet proof suit and leaps into the night to fight crime and inexplicably get the lady. Darryl is SO incredibly awkward, getting a simple kiss throws him into a full on nerd spasm and probably leaves a little stain in his super shorts (the front part.) So so so very bad.

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