15 Second Reviews: Piranha 3D, Vampires Suck, Scott Pilgrim & The Expendables

Sorry I've been neglecting this poor little blog. Once I got back from my geek tour I jumped right into Monster-Mania preparations (see next article for the skinny), which hasn't left me much time to dork around over here. To bribe your forgiveness, here are some new 15 second reviews...

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World: I fucking love this movie and beyond saying "It's damn funny" I can't exactly explain WHY its damn funny. I'm not a hardcore gamer, so that's not it at all. SP is visually captivating and randomly hysterical in all the right ways..and having an awesome soundtrack doesn't hurt either. Whatever it is, there's brilliance to be found. I can tell I'll be watching this movie for years to come and still laughing at "I have to pee on her".

The Expendables: If you were to turn of the vocal tracks for JUST the actors, this movie would be way more awesome per second. The writing for this movie is so horrible in counterpoint to some killer action scenes and better still, dream fights pitting legendary action stars against each other, shot in such a way that you can actually SEE THE FIGHT IN ALL ITS GLORY!! That alone, is an accomplishment. Sure, the jokes are enough to make Fozzy Bear want to stab himself in the head, but the the BOOM makes up for it.

Vampires Suck: Yes, its' a spoof movie, but this one follows the Twilight stories so closely, we left the theater with the distinct notion that they'd tricked us into seeing another Twilight movie. I'm sure you weren't expecting brilliance from the comedy, but these guys are so topical you'll need an 13 yr old to translate for you and the rest is just lame. The funniest bits come from the film's Bella and Edward who recreate every facial tick, lip chew, screaming fit, far off "smelt something bad" look and overly dramatic face grab. If that's all you need, go for it.

Piranha 3D: This could be the biggest budget SyFy channel monster movie we'll ever see. The pacing is identical to those "original" films but since you are in a theater and your age has been checked, you'll get heaping doses of boobs and buckets of GORE!! More importantly, the film is shot very well, the 3D works to great effect, the characters are funny enough to keep you engaged (even if you don't care if they get chewed up) and the SFX are pretty damn impressive. An excellent Saturday night!