Friday, December 18, 2009

Thoughts on Avatar

1. When you make a hulking, unstoppable exo-suit, make sure to give it an big ass fighting knife in a sheath on it's he doesn't get mugged.

2. Cat women don't wear shirts...but they are tiny so it's ok.

3. I haven't seen the smurf episode of South Park so I can't make those jokes. Sorry.

4. The greatest, most valuable mineral in the galaxy is...UNOBTAINIUM!! It's like a scary future where George W remains president for life and gets to name anything newly discovered as part of his executive powers.

5. It's OK to steal music from The Hunt for Red October. No one will notice.

6. You can spend millions of dollars on special effects and it may still look like soldiers fighting the baddest motherfuckers from toon town.

7. I'm taking it upon myself to name some of the beasties that weren't named in the movie. Presenting the Helilizard, a pack of Ravagogs (because they looked like Ravage from the Transformers cartoon) and the plants that jump away from your touch will be henceforth called the Shyvag (thats a soft G). I'll let you mull that one over. You're welcome.

8. I feel like Jake Sully was a character on My So Called Life.

9. Was I the only person who kept waiting for the chief to look at the dumb marine and tauntingly say...Tatonka...?

And yes, I actually did like the movie. It was incredibly formulaic and has been done a thousand times now, but they did it right and pulled on all the proper heart strings. Certainly a powerful movie in places and extremely ridiculous in others. It's like "Dances With Giant Cat People". I'd like to cast a spell turning Avatar and 2010 into wrestlers and watch them fake beat the shit out of each other. GO SEE IT!!

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