An Open Letter To Toys R Us About Loss Prevention

Originally Posted to LinkedIn

To the non-collector and random viewer with no time to waste, the above collection of figures in the new Toys R Us 3 figure pack seems like a safe bet, though an odd grouping if you know even the tiniest bit about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While The X-Men's Cyclops, The Punisher and The Avenger's Black Widow are all "movie stars" in their own right (and therefore characters that make retailers happy), putting them together in a set is an odd move for a manufacturing giant like Hasbro. Hasbro would agree, as this isn't the lineup for this set at all. 

Suffer the Poor, Defenseless Toys

I swear...if this continues I'm going to commission a mournful infomercial showing the toys left battered, broken and unloved after a rampant Toy Raping has occurred. We've touched on this subject in the past, but it seems the same three individuals are still at work in my area, so I thought I might shed a blinding light on them once more in the hopes Toys R Us, Walmart, Marshalls, Target and K Mart will actually keep an eye open and catch these fantastic asshats in the act. Here are the latest victims and our profiles on the attackers. Police sketches courtesy of Photoshop...



Code Name: Swapenshizer

Crime: Most likely buys a set of figures, takes out the figures and pieces of figures he wants and replaces those items with others.