Thursday, January 10, 2013

Say You Love Them...With Meat

Whilst perusing the isles at the center of all New Jersey civilization (ie; Walmart) to see what new pop culture tie ins they've come up with for the Valentine's Day season, I came across the most unique food item I've ever seen outside of a Japanese grocery store. I should restate. It isn't the food item itself that is super is the presentation. On Valentine's Day, we immediately think of pinks and reds and flowers and boxes of chocolate. Welp...Jack Link's Beef Jerky know their fan base and have packaged their delightful meats especially for this overly smooshie holiday, allowing you to give the most treasured of all gifts....The Gift of Meat. Not only can you give your meat gift with undeniable love (thus the heart box), but it seems they've added an element for those of you hypnotically clicking away on facebook all day to the agonizingly cute pictures of fluffy animals.

You can pet the box.

A picture of their Sasquatchy mascott on the front (looking as if the director of the photoshoot was recreating the dream sequence from American Beauty) is flanked by tufts of  hair, providing the tactile stimulation all Valentine's candy boxes have been lacking for years.

So let's go down the list, shall we?

- We've got MEAAAATS in the box, which will go over fantastically in New Jersey, Florida, Texas and most Mid-Western regions.
- You've got a Sasquatch on the front giving you the look of love, appealing to animal lovers, cryptozoologists, horror fans and furries.
- You've got a luxurious hairy mane around the heart shaped box, providing further titillation, appealing to..umm..furries..and odd people..all of which read this website. Cheers to u.

Apparently Jack Link's Beef Jerky got in on the fun last year as well, providing Quatch Valentines for download (CLICK HERE to get in on that) and instructions on how to make a meat bouquet for your loved one, which has since been taken down, but we can hope for further promotion this year. My vote would be for instructions on making a meat bikini that you can eat off the object of your desire. Just think of the intoxicating aroma....

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