Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Black Milk Gone Hobbit Crazy

The time has come for all good nerdling females to freak the hell out...for the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings Black Milk clothings are here. I'll allow you several minutes to scream.

 Wizards, Hobbits, Elves, exiled kings, epic villains and more than a few terrible things that live in dark places. We've found 'em all and bound them into a couple of killer collections, sneak peeked right here just for you.

Stop licking the screen. You're so dramatic. Here's the lot...

Fellowship Rider Leggings: $85.00 AUD
The fellowship was on a knife's edge and now it's on your legs. Personally I feel it's a much safer place for these guys, all things considered.

Hills Of Gondor Leggings: $85.00 AUD
Never be lost in Gondor again. Super handy, navigating through Tarang's Neck has never been so easy.

Lord Of The Rings Montage Green Leggings: $85.00 AUD
Warning: this is an extremely dramatic montage. Just check out Gandalf's absolutely priceless expression, and you've even got Gimli protecting your bits. With an ax. And in case that wasn't enough drama for your legs, you've even got Aragorn looking all broody on your upper thigh there.

Middle Earth Map Leggings: $85.00 AUD
Very handy if you're engaging in an epic quest across an entire country, mostly on foot and pursued by foul beasts. Nothing worse than getting lost with Nazgul on your heels, right?

Witch King Leggings: $85.00 AUD
This guy was Sauron's second in command for over 4000 years, he invaded the kingdoms of Arnor, he's responsible for the fall of the kings of Gondor, he wield a sword and a mace (or a flail depending on your adaptation) and it took the most badass of all badass chicks to finally bring him down. So all in all he's a pretty epic fellow. He did stab a Hobbit once but we won't hold that against him.

Lord Of The Rings Montage Green Swimsuit: $100.00 AUD
The most dramatic swimsuit in history. Just check out Gandalf's expression, that's real emotion right there. 

The Ring Swimsuit: $100.00 AUD
We liked it, so we put a ring on it. Ash nazg durbatul√Ľk.

Off to Battle Swimsuit: $100.00 AUD
Step 1: Wear this swim.
Step 2: Memorise this speech: I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight!
Step 3: Deliver emotional speech while wearing swimsuit at parties or in public places.

Arwen Dress: $110.00 AUD
Her name means noble maiden, and it's no surprise that her father (Elrond, the elf in the tiara) wouldn't let Aragorn (rightful King of Gondor) marry her until Aragorn was crowned king of Gondor AND Arnor.
That's how spesh Arwen is...You've gotta be king of TWO countries to be worthy of this chick. And now you can have her on your torso. That's pretty rad.

Gandalf The White Dress: $110.00 AUD
So one day I was walking through the woods (old woods, really really old) when suddenly a blinding white light made me stop in my tracks and fall to me knees! I cried out in fear, before the light faded and I realized it wasn't the villain I'd imagined, but a very stylish hot little boss. I said to her "I'm sorry, hot boss, I thought you were...I don't know, SARUMAN!"
And she said..."I AM Saruman, as he should have been."
Mind. Blown.

Legolas Dress: $110.00 AUD
Legolas on your torso and all is right with the world. Also, dude is somewhere between 500 and 3000 years old, would love to know what his skincare routine is because he doesn't look a day over 300.

Lord Of The Rings Montage Grey Dress: $110.00 AUD
You know those bits in Return of the King where you're a tearful wreck on the floor? Yeah, this dress is a homage to that. Frodo fully prepares to sacrifice his life to destroy the ring, as does Sam, and Pippin releases he's probably facing the end as well. Aragorn rides into battle with the white tree of Gondor on his vest and Gandalf is left to save a burning city when the Steward loses his mind. The most powerful moments of one of the most epic stories of all time: now on your torso. You'll probably get lots of hugs from crying strangers in this dress, just a warning.

The Doorway Dress: $110.00 AUD
The road goes ever on and on, out from the door where it began...

The Hobbit Map Dress: $110.00 AUD
Why wear a map of Middle Earth? Well, you'll never again get lost on your way home from the Forsaken Inn and wind up in Dol Guldur having to ask directions from someone who calls himself The Necromancer. That was a bad night filled with poor choices.

The Men of Dunharrow Dress: $110.00 AUD
The way is shut. It was made by those who are Dead and the Dead keep it. The way is shut.

You Shall Not Pass Dress: $110.00 AUD
You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. You shall not pass!

One question....no Gollum love? INSANE! I know you want to save something for later waves but Gollum??!! The mind boggles. Anyways....pluck out that pesky second kidney you didn't need anyway and trade it in for a shiny new dress and 2 pairs of leggings and you'll be all set for any high profile night of geek glamour! ..cuz we know how often the two things go together. Most likely I'll see all you sexy mofos sporting this line come convention season..and I thank you in advance for it.

Check out the rest of the pics from this line and all Black Milk's Star Wars items too!

1 comment :

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