Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Plenty of Fish Experiment

I am very single right now, so friends recommended I join a free site called The layout is pretty straight forward with you listing likes and items about yourself, then writing your little soliloquy designed to lure the womens to the rocks like male sirens trying to get hot girls to go to Philly Wizard World. The added dynamic purports to take all the data and make a "chemistry analysis", much like that pay site whose commercial features the united colors of Benetton models making lovey faces at each other. When you are all done and have loaded up all your pictures, you can either sit and wait (like I used to do on Myspace...oh how I miss myspace) or go on the hunt...but if you sit around long enough, you can use more fun features on the site. One link brings you to a page with "Girls who think you are super hot!" The page starts with the following text...

Our system predicts that the following users are the most attracted to you. These users are Women who have not yet contacted you and maybe not even viewed your profile.

I don't understand their fancy scientific jargon, so I decide to click around and see what's out there.

Girl 1 - Pretty..sweet looking..wearing something odd on her head. Next.
Girl 2 - Spent the entire profile insisting you not proposition her for sex. THE WHOLE PROFILE. Next
Girl 3 - Says her first profile was rejected by a notice that asked "are you joking?" so she goes on to paint herself as the orange tinted, neon clawed woman of your dreams before she gets real and declares "If you watch Jersey Shore, jump off a bridge." I like her and send an email asking if she is Tank Girl and how, exactly, she would pronounce the word Behemoth. This could be love.

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